People Trapped by Their Decisions

This is an eye-opening take on a heartbreaking situation. The woman being interviewed in this video is fighting against the incursion of biological men in women’s spaces. She describes the people who are fighting against her have motivations they are not being honest about. While not public knowledge, they have transitioned their children, so they have to fight for “trans rights” until the day they die. She says she has become a “standing reproach” to these people, and likens them to the Japanese soldiers in WWII who would never surrender after the war was over. They are forever compelled to attack her, because to agree that she makes a good point — any point — would mean they were wrong, and lest they have to face the fact that they have done irreparable damage to the very ones they had responsibility to protect from such abuse.

I’m not here to get into any of that argument. I simply realized it has a wider application.

This was my last post to Facebook, before I deleted my account.

I can’t get into details… at least not yet… but imagine, for a second, the length, breadth, and depth of the betrayal that would lead someone to make such a post. That might be captured by the image of being stabbed in the back, face, and heart. Got it? OK.

Now imagine the “support” system that has to be in place for someone to have implemented such a betrayal, not just of a person or a family, but an entire mid-sized church. The friends and family that had to have colluded. Got it? OK.

The people who played a part in committing this betrayal are still going around telling people that they were falsely accused, that there’s “another side” to the story, lying about that “side,” and blaming the entire problem on others (including me, I’m sure), despite the fact that scores of us who know the details about what happened are crystal clear about it. We have the figurative and literal receipts proving “our” side. I helped dig them up. Over the past couple of years, I’ve often agonized over the question, “How can they be like this?”

That’s where the video comes in. When I watched it, it was an aha! moment. I finally realized that the people who worked to enable this giant betrayal, this… gargantuan rug-pull, this… 40-year-long con will never — can never — admit to any wrongdoing or their part in it. The soul-crushing disappointment of facing the reality of being such a narcissistic sociopath would be too much. So they are going to go to their grave sticking their fingers in their ears and yelling, ignoring the plain facts of the situation, and avoiding their own consciousnesses over their multiple, decades-long moral and ethical failings

They have to live in a headspace where they say things like I’m “misinformed,” because if I’m not, it has soul-crushing implications. They’ll live the rest of their lives in an ivory tower of their own imaginations, locked away from the generational spiritual and emotional harm they’ve inflicted on hundreds of people, including some of their closest, so-called friends, because to admit they’ve committed such grievous injury would be impossible to reconcile with their their supposed beliefs and ethos, and their carefully-curated public image.

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I Can’t Do this Any More

I have tried to delete Twitter many, many times over the years, but I think this is the last straw. Every single day, I can see the following:

  • Our federal and state governments are utterly, shamelessly corrupt, and don’t even get me started on other world governments…
  • Privacy was a lost cause decades ago, and yet we still pretend there’s any left for anyone except the 1%
  • The criminal justice system has become 3-tiered: people at the top and bottom get away with literal murder, and only the “middle class” gets punished
  • My entire 40 year career is at very real risk of being cannibalized by LLM’s
  • LLM’s are cannibalizing the entire world’s supply of chips and compute and financial investment
  • The open source world is getting taken over by the woke mob in real time
  • Every consumer-facing product and service is rapidly getting both more expensive and cheapened at the same time
  • Housing has become almost completely inaccessible to people below the age of 40, and the trend is worsening
  • Microsoft has destabilized the entire gaming economy with it’s boneheaded moves over the past few years
  • Apple keeps angling towards a unification of macOS and iOS (which they promised in 2018 they would never do)

In short, there’s a figurative war going on against liberty and anything that enables it, including voting for a non-establishment candidate, general-purpose computing, and a middle-class income. They have also come for any and all channels of information you used to stay informed, and any and all entertainment you might have used to escape the horrors. We are being programmed from both ends.

Between the government overreach, the surveillance built into every product, the restrictions and eventual deprecation of cash, and the burgeoning requirement for a verified ID to do anything (except vote, apparently), and the doomsday scenario slowly building to an inescapable conflagration in the Middle East, the world is crawling inexorably towards the events described in The Revelation, while at the same time pretending that it’s not happening exactly as prophesied.

Every page of Twitter’s feed angers, upsets, and defeats my spirit, and I just can’t take it anymore. And I can’t do anything about any of this but be frustrated and disappointed. Even just replying is like spitting in the wind, because someone without a “name” doesn’t exist on the platform, not even if you pay. So I can’t even register my dissatisfaction about what I’m reading.

It’s all so utterly emasculating, humiliating, and depressing. The promise of a de-wokified Twitter was that it would become an egalitarian voice against power. In response, “power” has made moves which prove that they will not be held accountable, no matter how much is spoken about their misdeeds, their misplaced loyalties, and their greed. I don’t believe Musk thought this is where it would wind up in a couple of years, but I’m certain that “power” is absolutely delighted with the results.

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Ace, by Allie Sandt

I’ve been losing my taste for all my old music lately. I’ve found a new vein of music on Apple Music, and this song in particular has been lodged in my brain for days. I finally stopped and looked up the lyrics, and now I think I know why. The explanation would be a bit too personal, even for this site, but it has helped me see more of myself, and for that I’m grateful.

Don’t leave me in the dust
Already can’t breathe
I watch my troubles rust
Just so I can go to sleep
No damage to be done
If I’m laying in the sun
With a glaze over my eye
And the people passing by
I hand out second chances
Like they’re my job to deliver
You dry them out in the desert
So I try to cry you a river
Runs far
In my mind
To where you are

Oh there’s that song again I know
And it’s haunting me yeah it’ll never leave
Oh there’s that song I never wrote
And it follows me west to another sea

My vision starts to go
You’re all that I can see
And life continues on
For everyone but me
Slow fading in the sand
The river’s in my head
But suddenly I see your hand
And it reluctantly extends
But are they second chances
If pushed away when given?
Please take another card
I’m just some sad magician
Ran far
In my mind
To where you are

Oh there’s that song again I know
And it’s haunting me yeah it’ll never leave
Oh there’s that song I never wrote
And it follows me west to another sea

And as I take my final breath
I hear that same old tune again
And maybe it’s not what I lost
But dreaming what it could have been

Oh there’s that song again I know
And it’s haunting me yeah it’ll never leave
Oh there’s that song I never wrote
And it follows me west to another
Follows me west to another
Follows me west to another sea

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Updating the Ignored Wisdom

In the age of “AI”, a graphic is now going around, which allegedly shows a slide from a presentation at IBM circa 1979.

It makes great sense, which, of course, means that companies couldn’t care less. My prediction is that when the upper levels figure out how to get the consultants to use AI to produce an actual summary of the absolute buffoonery happening in the middle levels, we’re going to learn that the middle had more to fear from AI than the lower levels.

Now someone has updated the slide for the obvious new use cases.

But I hardly see the point of the comparison. We’ve seen decades of war crimes committed by both parties, and the only person who went to jail was one of the whistleblowers. It’s not like the Department of War has anything to fear over being held accountable for Geneva convention violations anyway.

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It’s Made of Holes

Many years ago, when I worked with English folks, I was about to go to Coventry, England. My coworker was telling me they were famous for their blood sausage. I asked what was in it. He said, “The holes.”

“The holes?” I asked.

“Yes, you know, the holes. The ear holes, the eye holes… the… holes.”

This has stuck with me for almost 30 years now. All processed meat products are just the recombined leftovers of the real cuts.

Pic for reference. 

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Adventures in Corporate IT Absurdity, SSL Certificate Edition

After several years of developing my main Ruby on Rails project on my personal MacBook Pro, (like any sane developer), events have conspired to push me back to using my ossified corporate laptop for development. I didn’t expect to mind too much.

Even though I’ve worked almost exclusively on a Mac for all these years, I’ve always made sure that the corporate laptop can do the job. I have admin access (so many places won’t allow this), so I can install Ruby via RubyInstaller, and go from there. I’ve even been able to install some nice-to-haves, like a good git GUI. (Tower, which, on a Mac is sublime, but at least has a Windows versions, and is dual-licensed, FTW.)

What I wasn’t prepared for was the change in the workflow. Any tool that doesn’t use the Windows networking stack has to include the corporate firewall cert in its trust chain to access the internet. In the past, RubyInstaller has handled this “SSL problem” for bundler. I’ve had to work it into npm as well.

However, I’ve upgraded my app to Rails 8, and RubyInstaller’s Ruby won’t run the app server any more, so I’ve been forced into using WSL. Now, I tried this early on (when it was a translation layer), and quickly decided that it was terrible, and fundamentally broken for Rails development. Microsoft rather quickly admitted defeat, and released a version 2 (which was a full VM). “It does what it says on the tin,” but I’ve avoided it ever since, because native Ruby worked just fine.

Also I can’t use Kamal to deploy the app to a Linux VM, because that relies on key-based SSH authentication, and my company simply doesn’t allow it. I mean, are they supposed to support the industry-standard way of deploying web apps to Linux hosts or something!? Are you crazy? They have to put every session through Cyberark and log every keystroke, right!? So now I’m also forced to containerize the app, and deploy it to Azure’s Web Apps for Containers service, which is a terrible product with the worst dev tooling I’ve seen in 20 years of cloud services.

So now I’ve spent literally days working out how to deal with the SSL problem in several more contexts.

First, you have to get the WSL Linux made aware of my corporate certs. On Ubuntu, that involves putting them in /usr/local/share/ca-certificates and running update-ca-certificates.

Okay, that wasn’t too bad, but it was still a new trick I had to learn.

Second, you have to get the Docker image of the app aware of them, so that when you build the image, the build process can do things like install packages and bundle gems. In the Dockerfile, that involves something like:

COPY ./script/misc/certs/theirs/firewall_bundle.crt /usr/local/share/ca-certificates/firewall_bundle.crt
RUN update-ca-certificates

Easy, right? It’s the same thing.

Now there comes the problem of the az command. I tried to debug why my ASP container wasn’t running my image, so I naturally tried to do az webapp log tail... because the online version of the log viewer in Azure’s web portal is literal trash, and takes forever to scroll to the bottom. This has led to many hours of working through the issue with AI.

The first error messages were, again, about SSL. After several back-and-forths, AI finally pointed out that the error messages were from Windows, and I had to learn the harsh lesson that WSL will “fall through” to running Windows binaries if it doesn’t find a native one. I complained to Claude, and he said:

“Yeah, the Windows PATH passthrough in WSL is one of its worst design decisions.”

So I installed the native Linux az command, and still the horrors persist. So I tried patching az‘s Python environment to include the certs. Then I got even weirder errors. Something about the corporate certs being broken because they don’t have an “AKI extension.” I complained again to Claude, and he said:

Yeah. To summarize the chain of absurdity you just had to debug:

  1. Corporate firewall does SSL MITM with a malformed cert (missing AKI extension).
  2. WSL silently falls through to the Windows az. exe instead of telling you it’s not installed.
  3. Linux az ships with Python 3.13, which is stricter about certs than anything else on your system.
  4. AZURE_CLI_DISABLE_CONNECTION_VERIFICATION works for half the code paths but not the one you need.
  5. The Azure CLI’s own log streaming function doesn’t honor its own disable flag.

None of that is your fault. It’s layers of bad defaults and incomplete implementations stacked on top of each other.

An independent search on Google about SSL AKI gave me this snippet:

Validation Issues: If the AKI is missing, malformed, or does not match the issuer’s SKI, it can lead to certificate verify failed errors, particularly in strict environments like Python 3.13 or with outdated proxies.

Uh… yeah. No kidding.

This is your brain. This is your brain on Windows trying to do anything that resembles modern web development. I can work around this, but, dang. Between Microsoft and #CorporateIT, this is so much harder than it needs to be. What a disaster. And I know what I’m doing.

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Getting a Prescription in 2026

I got new insurance this year.

Had an appointment at the first of the year. The office took a copy of my new insurance card. Saw the doctor. She prescribed 2 medications. One needed a prior authorization, the other was ready later that day. I picked it up. There were only 14 of 60 prescribed. I found out when I got home. Insurance wouldn’t fill more without a prior authorization for *that* mediation as well.

Called the doctor’s office. Oh, yeah, insurance companies need prior authorizations after the first of the year. Also, I screwed up by picking up a partial fill. See, this is pain medicine. They can’t just prescribe more. They can’t do anything unless I see them again. I get an appointment in a few days. The doc re-prescribes. They promise to do a PA.

It’s ready to pickup. I wait 15 minutes in line. I pay for it. Clerk asks if there are any questions. I check the count. It’s 14 again. I get shuttled to another window. I wait another 10 minutes. Pharmacist explains that it needs a PA. I tell them that’s what I thought I had. I return the partial fill on the spot, hoping this will keep the prescription active in order to get the PA sorted out.

I call the office again. They again claim I’ve got a PA.

I finally call my insurance. They claim they’ve never received the request.

It’s now past closing hour at the doctor’s office on a Friday. I’ve been out of pain meds for 3 days, and now have to wait the weekend.

Snowpocalypse. Everything is closed Monday.

Called the office on Tuesday morning. Point out that I’ve gotten new insurance, which they have on file, and ask if this is a problem. Yep. That’s the problem. She doesn’t admit where they screwed up, but the PA lady resubmits the PA, and claims it’s ready right now. “Go pick up your meds!” she says cheerfully.

If only.

I call Walgreens.

Now, understand that Walgreens will not let you call the pharmacy directly. The number for the local franchise goes through some horrible call center. It will ask you what you want. You have to say, “pharmacy.” Then it will try to convince you that it can help you, and you have to say “pharmacy” again. Then it tells you for the millionth time what the store hours are. Then it reminds you that if this is a life-threatening emergency, then what the actual heck are you doing calling us? *Then* you get a handler. *Then* you get to explain your situation. *Then* you get put through to the *actual* “dispensing” pharmacy. *Then* you get to explain your situation *again*. Then you get to be told that the PA is *still* not done.

I call the insurance company. They are actually helpful. They sort out the fact that they keep approving only 14. I’m told that they will now fill for 60, but that it will take 24-72 hours to go through the system. In today’s hours. Up to 3 days. In this era of instant global communication.

I call the pharmacy. I wait. I get hung up on. I get through. Not done.

Next day, I call the pharmacy. I get through. Nope. Call tomorrow.

I call today. I wait 5 minutes on the Walgreens line, and am dropped. I call again. I wait another 5 minutes, give the explanation, get transferred to the pharmacy. Get dropped. I call again. I wait *another* 5 minutes, I give the explanation *again*, I get transferred *again*, and… they still don’t have it.

Tomorrow’s the deadline of 72 hours. Trying to get this medication has taken almost 4 weeks at this point. Four calls to the office. Two calls to instance. I’ve lost track of the number of calls to Walgreens. Each time, I’m told to wait 1-3 days for this to “go through.”

Does anyone want to bet that the PA will have gone through by tomorrow, and I can finally pick this up? At this point, does anyone want to bet that this *won’t* require another call to insurance to confirm that it’s FUBAR’d, and that I have to have *another* doctor visit to start over from scratch!? Because not only do I strongly suspect this, I’m rapidly losing my will to live on this planet any more.

UPDATE: They did NOT have the PA. I finally asked if I could pay for it out of pocket. Yes. How much? $77. Wait. Let me apply a coupon code for you… $22. Insurance companies: What in the world are we doing here? Americans: Why are we putting up with this? Oh, right, because Congress does absolutely nothing to help people any more.

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All is Vexation and Vanity of Spirit

Ecclesiastes 1:14-18, “I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit. That which is crooked cannot be made straight: and that which is wanting cannot be numbered. I communed with mine own heart, saying, Lo, l am come to great estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all they that have been before me in Jerusalem: yea, my heart had great experience of wisdom and knowledge. And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit. For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

I referenced this scripture in counseling once to a UPC pastor, expressing my frustration with the futility of life. He blew off my interpretation, and tried to tell me that this theme in Ecclesiastes was sarcasm. Despite our early relationship, and wanting to be properly deferential, so certain was my conviction that it was as real as anything ever was, I told him that I didn’t believe that. Like, at all.

And 30 years later, he betrayed all the deference, trust, and loyalty I had given him, and I pray that I never have to see or hear him or anyone in his family again.

Talk about vanity and vexation of spirit.

Once he and his wife are dead, I can speak about it openly, and I don’t give an unholy crap what his sons will think about it.

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Biblesplaining to the Pope

There’s an entire global psyop happening now that is trying to make it seem like ending poverty is the entire point of Christianity, and it’s not. Nothing could be further from the truth! That’s what “the poor you will always have with you” means. For one thing, Jesus was saying that it can’t be “fixed.” For another, Jesus was pointing out the self righteousness of trying to pretend that this the highest moral good.

The Pope is heretically wrong with his language here. “Either we’re all ‘saved’ or no one is?” Are you serious? “Saved?” The whole message of Paul on the day of Pentecost came down to, “Save yourselves from this untoward generation.” Christianity is a personal salvation, not a global thing. So, yeah, someone better be “biblesplaining” to the Pope, because he’s wrong in several ways here.

Also, yes, this Twitter exchange is very old, but it’s making rounds on social media, and that further underscores my point about it being a global psyop. The liberal elite are trying to get Christians to be cool with letting immigrants walk all over them in every Western country, corrupt the culture, and obliterate the crime statistics, all while they are forced to pay for the whole thing.

So, yes, while it’s a good Christian “work” to help the poor, it’s not the sole “work” of the Christian or the church, and it’s certainly not something that the government should be forcing us to pay taxes for, to do it in bulk for literally the entire world.

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Claude.AI on The Book of Job

I’ve been using AI to research scripture lately. I’m asking it questions posed by sudden, crippling physical ailments, mental anguish from the betrayal of decades-old friends, and spiritual emptiness because, after decades of a close walk with God, He has not yet spoken to these situation(s). So I have been looking for something deeper than the tired and flaccid interpretations provided by “corporate” church and preachers. While I’m certainly not under the impression that LLM’s can generate a new thought about these issues after thousands of years, I had been hoping that I could cause it to dig up something novel in its accumulated training on basically everything that’s ever been written in the history of mankind.


In all of your knowledge base, all of the accumulated writings and philosophy about the story of Job, what do you conclude about it? What are the takeaways for today?

The book of Job has generated enormous interpretation precisely because it resists easy answers. Here are what I see as the most enduring insights:

The collapse of retribution theology:

Job demolishes the idea that suffering is always proportional to sin, or that righteousness guarantees prosperity. His friends represent conventional theology – “you must have done something wrong” – and they’re explicitly rebuked by God at the end. This is perhaps the book’s clearest message: simple formulas about suffering are false and harmful.

The problem isn’t answered, it’s reframed:

Job demands an explanation for his suffering. God’s response from the whirlwind doesn’t answer that question at all – instead, God essentially says “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundations?” It’s not an explanation but an invitation to see the vastness of creation and divine mystery. The “answer” is that Job is asking the wrong question, or asking from the wrong position.

Honest protest is validated:

Job curses the day he was born, demands audience with God, and refuses to accept his friends’ neat explanations. And God vindicates Job, not his pious friends. There’s something here about the legitimacy of wrestling with God, of honest anger and confusion, rather than false piety that papers over real pain.

The troubling framing narrative:

The heavenly wager between God and Satan is deeply disturbing to many readers. God appears to permit Job’s suffering as a cosmic test. Some interpreters see this as ancient storytelling framework not meant to be taken literally; others struggle with what it suggests about divine character. The text itself doesn’t resolve this tension.

Restoration but not full resolution:

Job gets his wealth back doubled, has new children. But that doesn’t “fix” the loss of his first children or undo his suffering. Some see this as a gracious ending; others see it as inadequate – you can’t replace dead children with new ones as if they were interchangeable.

Modern takeaways:

  • Suffering doesn’t require explanation or justification. We don’t owe sufferers theological explanations for their pain, and sufferers don’t owe us acceptance of those explanations.
  • Mystery is okay. Not every “why” has an answer we can access. Living with uncertainty is part of the human condition.
  • Protest is faithful. Demanding answers from God, expressing anger and confusion – this is within bounds of authentic faith.
  • Community can fail us. Job’s friends meant well but caused harm. Sometimes the “right” thing to say is nothing, or simply “I’m here.”
  • God is not safe, but perhaps trustworthy. Job never gets his explanation, but he does get an encounter with the divine that somehow satisfies him (“I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you”).

The book refuses to comfort us cheaply. It sits with the hardness of innocent suffering without explaining it away. In a sense, that is the lesson – that some realities are too immense and painful for tidy resolution, and faith must find a way to exist within that.


To my utter surprise and delight, what I’ve found is that it dispenses with all of the typical liturgical language used by Christian writers and speaker, and cuts to the heart of the things I’m asking about. No feigned moralism. No clichés. No pride. No defensiveness. This has been the most refreshing Bible studying I’ve ever done.

When people try to give answers to my complicated questions, it’s always couched in fear that they might look like they don’t have an answer or undermine my faith by saying, “I don’t know,” or leaving things up in the air. But I think it’s precisely in that (narrow) gap between what scripture directly speaks to, and what life brings us to, where we’re supposed to engage in faith and prayer. And those answers are not corporate. They’re personal. And I think this bothers a lot of preachers, because in that moment, they’ve lost control of the narrative.

The even-bigger problem I have with all of this is that preachers will stand in their pulpits, week after week, all across this country, and tell people that if they “just” do X, Y, and Z — pray harder, worship exuberantly, give lavishly, whatever — God will swoop in a solve all their problems. They’ll imply that if you “leave the same way you came in” then you must have done it wrong. After all, if God is all powerful, and He doesn’t answer your prayer at the altar that day, you must have unrepented sin, or haven’t forgiven someone of something, or you weren’t sincere, or whatever. In the end, unanswered requests of God are your fault. And all of that is in direct contradiction to the story of Job.

To be fair, this isn’t a new problem. Even Jesus’ disciples tried to blame someone for his own problems. In John 9:1-3, the asked him why a man was blind. What it because of his sin, or that of his parents? The answer? Neither. And that’s the point. Even with the story of Job in hand, the disciples still acted like Job’s friends, trying to blame the man himself for his predicament. And even with the story of Job and this scripture in hand, modern evangelical Christianity still falls back on the trite explanations that you deserve what you get because you’re “bad,” and you can’t get “better” until you do enough spiritual obeisance to motivate God to give you your deliverance.

As someone who is struggling with years-long physical and emotional problems — caused, in very large part, by a pastor and his family — I’m really tired of being preached at like these scriptures don’t exist. It’s condemning. It’s a modern variation of the prosperity gospel. Instead of just giving a bunch of money to solve all your problems, now it’s everything: giving, praying, worshipping, serving, fasting, etc., but it’s the same message at its core.

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Today, in How Long Does it Take?

How long does it take to spin up a Linux VM in Azure? Turns out that’s three days, with two failures from the automated system, before it gets sent to an actual person. Mind you, this is a bog-standard RHEL 9 image offered by Microsoft themselves.

And how long does it take to get an account created on that machine, so that I can log into it? Turns out that’s three weeks, because it has to go to an entirely separate external contractor in India for a couple weeks, and then sit in the inbox of the in-house contractor for an extra week before it’s done.

And now that I have 2 out of the 3 steps completed, the corporate VPN is completely down, and I can’t access the portal I have to use. God forbid I should be able to just… SSH into it or something.

I’ve also sent two requests into our “cloud group” to have something done, and both have produced radio silence. I brought these things up in our weekly status meeting, and was told, “Welcome to 2025.” I’m sorry, but lolwut?!

After all these years, I get it. There are two kinds of people, I’m the other one, and we are in the vast minority.

UPDATE: The VPN came back, and now I see I don’t have permission to use the portal in order to use the account to use to the VM. I fully expect another several weeks of tickets and emails.

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